I had a dream last night, we were supposed to go somewhere and there was this routine where I ask my mom if Kobe would go with us. Then I remembered his gone. I must have been lucid dreaming. Stupid brain can’t give me a break and let dreams do their thing.
I woke up this rainy morning feeling lonely. I’ve never felt so sad to be home alone. Now I’m really alone inside the house since Kobe isn’t here. Cotton, our guard dog who stays outside, looked really sad too. I asked her to come inside but she didn’t budge. I haven’t been really close to her because she’s raunchy and would always have a running spree inside the house so we all preferred her to stay outside. I wonder if she knows I’m just letting her in because Kobe’s gone. She was crying yesterday while we buried him.
This is the first day of all days without Kobe. I wouldn’t know if the car I hear outside is my dad’s or a just a passerby. He nailed it every time. He just knew. No one would relentlessly ask for food during dinner. No one would tap me with his little paws to get my attention; I loved it when he did that. He usually rolled over his back, asking me to pet his tummy, when I passed by.
The most amazing thing is when he’s sorry for something he did and even for something that is not his fault. Sometimes we’d accidentally step on him and he would shriek and run away only to come back a few minutes after with his sorry face saying he didn’t mean to freak out.
My brother posted a photo of a dog last night with the caption “He might only be there for a part of your life but for him, you are his whole life.”
I just felt extremely sad and disappointed. There’s this guilty feeling that surrounded our home yesterday because it’s just not right. Even if his death was bound to happen, he didn’t deserve to die like that - in the company of strangers who didn’t care about him as much as we do. Thinking about everything that happened, I know we should have made better decisions. He deserves better than that and so much more. It’s heartbreaking enough to lose him but it’s much more painful to know we’ve let him down that one time he needed us the most.
I just wish he knows how sorry we are.
It’s ironic to lose you on National Dog Day. I love you Kobebe. #m #family
We lost Kobe today. He was my uncle’s dog and we got him when my uncle got sick. We were so fond of him from the day we met him. We deeply fell in love with him the minute he set foot in our house. He became my parents kid and my little brother. He was the baby of the family who brought tremendous amount of joy in our seemingly somber home, definitely the music after somewhat living in monotone.
We’ve had dogs before but he was the absolute favorite of ours. He was the closest to us, the most endearing, and the most affectionate of them all.
I cannot even describe how much of a loss this is. It’s devastating to think that tomorrow, I would wake up without a hope of being with him again, of witnessing his adorable little quirks, of seeing that heart warming smile on his face. Have I known that bringing him to the vet would be the last time I would be able to hold him, I would have held him longer.
I am utterly heart broken. Just really heart broken.
To Kobe, I am nothing but thankful for every single day you made us laugh, and proud, and happy. I couldn’t have asked for a better companion.
I don’t want a dog heaven. Just heaven, if it exists. Because when our time comes, I want you there. And maybe we could share a meal as a family again. Just like the old times. But for now, please know that I love you and I will miss you every day.
#tbt When her hair was short and mine was long. #goodtimes #jesuscut #m #friends @rojiecortezano